New Blog

Just a reminder that if you want to continue to follow me, you’ll have to move over to my new blog.  My previous post gives more details.  Thanks!

Click here to go to the new blog: instant2forever.wordpress.com

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Instant Mama refers to the speed at which I became a mama – from our first serious consideration of becoming foster parents to having six children in our home, the process took less than three months! Two years later we said goodbye to them, and focused on adoption. From our first inquiry to welcoming our five children into our home, that process also took less than three months! If you’d like more background, be sure to read How it all Began. For a recap of our fostering journey, see Instant Highlights. You can also sign up on the home page to receive new posts via email, or if you would like to contact me privately you may do so at my gmail.com account, user name instantmama.

Case Closed

I mentioned before that we had reached the end of the Instant Mama blog as you have known it. But with the kids’ case still open, I hung out here with you a little while longer and want to thank you for standing by me in the wait. It was tough to see the case closed in many ways, but in many ways this is as happy an ending as anyone could wish for. Six children were kept together for two years while in the system, were kept safe, and have a better knowledge of both the world they live in and the God who made it than they ever did or would have had otherwise. And then they were allowed to return home to their mother who always wanted them and loved them. Yes, there are unpleasant uncertainties and definite deficiencies, but overall everything has great potential for turning out fine in the end and I am choosing to look at that.

It’s been a long journey. A journey I never dreamed of before it happened. I am much less naïve and innocent to the ways of the foster care system than I was before. Whether that is a good or bad thing, I am not sure. I am also now on a journey as an adoptive parent of five children that began because of my journey with these six. And while I love them all dearly, there is no doubt in my mind that we were never meant to adopt those first six as a family. There is also no doubt in my mind that we were supposed to be their family for the two years they were with us. While in the midst of the chaos there were so many questions, but I am thankful that God allows us to look back and see a clearly marked path of how we have been in His will all along. How our relationship with the children and their mother continues, as friends, remains to be seen.

And what about you? So many of you were along for the story – and what a story it was! Stranger than fiction, crazier drama than even TV or the movies at times. There were some high highs, and some low lows, and lot of everything in between. Telling the story helped me to see it better, to recognize many behaviors and attitudes for what they were underneath instead of simply surface annoyances.

But that story is finished now.

Perhaps you were along for the camaraderie. You are a fellow foster parent or an adoptive parent of children that were in foster care. Perhaps you know someone who is going through the foster care experience. This was another place you could come and know that you would be understood here. Thank you for coming – I needed that support as much as you!

But that foster parenting journey is over now as well.

Perhaps you are a friend or family member of mine. And you’re following just because it’s me. Aww, I feel so special! You may not care what I post about! If that is the case, then stay tuned.

Where does that leave us? Well, for the foreseeable future, this blog is done. I won’t promise that nothing will ever be posted here again, but this story is finished. The children who delighted us and then you for the last two years have been out of our house for six months now. Their case is now officially closed. Their foster care story has ended, and ended better than many. Our journey as foster parents ended with them leaving. I am taking the advice of the very wise man I am married to and bowing out. This story is finished.

Fortunately, his advice didn’t end there! I have loved blogging, and I have loved the community here. So he suggested that I start up a blog devoted to my new passion – speaking about adoption. I must especially speak about the adoption of children through the foster care system. Related to that is of course foster parents, children in foster care, and caring for the fatherless as God has asked of us. Fortunately, I am inviting you to move with me if you so desire!

So if you were just along for the story, or if you only seek support from an in-the-line-of-fire foster parent, or if you were just waiting to see how this story ended, then I must thank you again for the great time we have enjoyed here. This is an easy place to hop off. Perhaps we’ll bump into each other again on another blog somewhere!

But if you have a passion for adoption (or you just love me, haha), perhaps you’d like to continue to follow me over at my new blog. It is called “From Instant to Forever,” and the tagline is: “They came to me in an instant. That instant began our forever.” Fitting, right? Here is what the About page says:

Hi! I’m Instant Mama and I am excited you’ve found me. I am a follower of Christ, a wife, and a mother. I am passionate about a lot of things, but here is where I share my passion for adoption – specifically, adoption through the foster care system. I was a foster mama for two years before meeting my wonderful children who are a part of my life through adoption. Foster parents and children in foster care will always be another area of passion for me. We now celebrate the blessing and joy of adoption, but we also recognize that there has been loss and grief involved in making adoption necessary to start with. This blog discusses the many issues that are unique to adoption, especially the adoption of children who have journeyed through the foster care system and are old enough to be well aware of what is taking place. Whether you are involved in foster care, are part of an adoption trio, have friends who are involved in these, are considering adoption in any form, or are simply curious, please join me as we continue this journey! Comments and discussion are so welcome and I’d love to hear your story and your opinions. One person at a time, we can help the world become a safer place for those who don’t quite fit the traditional picture and whose story is uniquely their own. Ready to join the adventure?

Sound like something you’d be interested in? Come on over. It can be found at instant2forever.wordpress.com. If you click on Instant Mama’s Story it explains my blog title a little bit more, while of course giving some of my story. I was surprised to see that some of you have found me already, and am excited for the rest of you who will find me there as well. If you are following by email, you will just need to go to the home page and put your email address in there to begin receiving the new posts by email just like you were with this one.

Thank you all once again for the amazing blog community you have been. Your comments, advice, and experiences are priceless. And I have even gained some true friends that I do hope to someday meet in person! That definitely was not on my list of expectations when I started this blog, but is one of the things I value most now.

May you be blessed, and may the peace of God fill you and give you strength for each day.

And now I’ve got to run. I may have become a mama in an instant, but my forever is waiting…

Blessings,

Instant Mama

Click here to go to the new blog: instant2forever.wordpress.com

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Instant Mama refers to the speed at which I became a mama – from our first serious consideration of becoming foster parents to having six children in our home, the process took less than three months! Two years later we said goodbye to them, and focused on adoption. From our first inquiry to welcoming our five children into our home, that process also took less than three months! If you’d like more background, be sure to read How it all Began. For a recap of our fostering journey, see Instant Highlights. You can also sign up on the home page to receive new posts via email, or if you would like to contact me privately you may do so at my gmail.com account, user name instantmama.

Court Update

So I know some of you are anxiously waiting to hear how it went this morning.  

Anticlimactic is the word.  Anticlimactic indeed.

I got there early.  The waiting room quickly filled up.  I was totally fascinated watching people, knowing that the majority of them were parents here to see about getting their kids back.  Some were getting to visit their kids as they waited.  I will admit that there is a part of me that is up for the challenge of (and even enjoys?) dealing with the drama and suspense of foster care.  It is an adventure like no other.  But as I sat there watching people today, I felt only one thing – total and complete relief that I was no longer a part of this scene.  Watching mamas cry for and cuddle their babies that are being cared for by someone else – it is heartbreaking.  I can relate to losing a baby, and at this point I have had enough.  I felt so blessed to have been given the gift of children through adoption, to have been given the strength to endure the trials of “the system,” and to be where I am now both because of and in spite of all that we have journeyed through during the last two-plus years.

I saw the kids’ worker – he told me that their case was WAYYYYYY down on the list – like he was going to go back to the office and come back after lunch.  Unless…unless he could convince the judge to see their case first, because there was a translator there (being paid by the court, by the hour).  People were going in and out of the waiting room all morning, but at one point I did not see anyone who was associated with our case.  Hmm.  I got up and looked in the hall.  No one there either.  Hmmmm.  After a quick trip down the hall to the bathroom and back, I saw the worker talking to the kids’ mom.  I walked over and asked him if the judge had come yet.

Yes, and court was over.

The case had been closed.

End of story.

Well, I was not in the least surprised though I was a little annoyed.  They couldn’t have been in there more than five minutes.  Of course they were quite intentional about NOT calling me when they called everyone else.  And so it goes.  Just an additional confirmation that I am glad that the foster parenting stage of this journey is basically over.

Thank you all for your prayers, for your support, for your encouraging words, and the verses shared.  I feel strangely calm and at peace with everything – a peace that is beyond explanation because I should feel really annoyed and perhaps even angry right now and yet I do not.  There were a lot of people praying for us, for our kids, and for this case today.  I have to trust that this is in line with God’s plan.

I asked the kids’ mom if she needed a ride and she took me up on the offer.  She asked why I had come, and I told her that since it was the last court date, I wanted to be there and congratulate her.  Which I did – it really is a milestone and I imagine she feels a great sense of relief now.  I was also able to share a few personal things with her, including thanking her for allowing us to continue to have a relationship with her beautiful children.  It was a little emotional but, despite my horrible deficiency in Spanish, we were able to understand either other as mothers who both love the same children.

So here I am, pretty much where I expected to be today – in basically the same place I have been for the last few months.  And I am OK with that, because if God had wanted me somewhere else He would have arranged that.

I continue to give thanks for so many things.  God is good and ultimately He is in control.

I will rest in the peace of that knowledge.

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Instant Mama refers to the speed at which I became a mama – from our first serious consideration of becoming foster parents to having six children in our home, the process took less than three months!  Two years later we said goodbye to them, and focused on adoption.  From our first inquiry to welcoming our five children into our home, that process also took less than three months!  If you’d like more background, be sure to read How it all Began.  For a recap of our fostering journey, see Instant Highlights.  You can also sign up on the home page to receive new posts via email, or if you would like to contact me privately you may do so at my gmail.com account, user name instantmama.

I Choose Thanks

So today is the day. Sometime this morning the kids’ case will go before the judge once again. Perhaps for the last time, perhaps not. Your continued prayers are so welcome and so felt – thank you. I’m planning to go to court for the first time. I have been told I won’t be allowed in the courtroom and the kids won’t be there either (and the unspoken message was that I really shouldn’t even bother to come…). So if I go and sit around until after their case is heard, so be it. If things go differently than the workers expect, I will be ready for that as well.

So, in this stressful time, I have a choice to make. And I choose to be thankful. God has led so clearly in the past, and while I feel as though some people have not followed His will He does not let that deter His ultimate plan. I am thankful to have seen this in the past. I am thankful that He is faithful and has promised to continue to work things out for the good of those who love Him.

I am thankful for my children who are in my home. While I am not sharing stories of life in Instant Mama’s house, let me just tell you that things are great here. Sure, we have our share of issues (big and small) and the timeout spot has continued to get plenty of attention. But things are good. My kids are happy. We enjoy heartfelt laughter. I hear, “Mommy, I love you” randomly and at the weirdest times ALL DAY LONG! I am certainly thankful for this.

I am thankful for my supportive family and friends. Our parents who probably never dreamed that they would get five grandkids all at once through adoption as they walked us down the aisle (yes, my hubby was walked in by his parents too – we like to be original). We are so blessed that our friends and family have been supportive and welcoming of our children (and most have not even been awkward about it!). Not everyone can say this.

I am thankful that I have seen positive changes around F-girl and her family. I expressed my concerns and expected them to fall on deaf ears, yet definite things have happened and a few improvements have been made that are directly related to and because of my voicing those concerns. I am thankful for this.

I am thankful for so much more, but the last specific I will mention is life itself. I read the Facebook status of one of my friends last week stating that she was in shock because her five-year old son’s friend had just died. A tragic accident. It reminded me of what I do have. All my children are alive and healthy. I have a relationship with even the ones who do not live in my home any longer – this is not usually the case in foster care. I am alive. My children are alive. I am not having to figure out how to explain death and loss to a five-year old like my friend had to do that evening with her son. And while I do not know what tomorrow holds, I will be thankful for these things today.

So I choose thanks. Today. Tomorrow. And every day. There is always something to be thankful for.

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

 

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Instant Mama refers to the speed at which I became a mama – from our first serious consideration of becoming foster parents to having six children in our home, the process took less than three months! Two years later we said goodbye to them, and focused on adoption. From our first inquiry to welcoming our five children into our home, that process also took less than three months! If you’d like more background, be sure to read How it all Began. For a recap of our fostering journey, see Instant Highlights. You can also sign up on the home page to receive new posts via email, or if you would like to contact me privately you may do so at my gmail.com account, user name instantmama.

Steal My Show

Again, thank you for praying.  Tomorrow is court.

For a girl who doesn’t claim to be super crazy about music, I seem to be posting a lot of lyrics lately!  In the car is pretty much the only place I listen to music, and that is just the radio.  One of the ways that we are intentional about keeping God first and foremost in our lives is never listening to anything other than Christian radio.  And since neither of us is crazy about talk radio/ preaching, we tend to stick with KLOVE.  Another song has struck my fancy, and echoes what I want to say as well.  It is by TobyMac.  Read the lyrics:

“Steal My Show”

Another cold night
Another late flight
It’s almost show time, and Diverse City’s waitin’ on me
We got a packed house, the crowd is callin’ out
They want the beat to drop, but what we really need is You[Chorus:]
If You wanna steal my show, I’ll sit back and watch You go
If You got somethin’ to say, go on and take it away
Need You to steal my show, can’t wait to watch You go
So take it away

So now the crowd is hype, that you showed up tonight
Anticipatin’, cravin’ somethin’ more than smoke and lights
So I’ll step out the way, I’ll give You center stage
Alight
Spotlight
Give ‘em what they came for …

[Chorus]

When You arrive, we come to life
Our hearts collide, they’re beating in the same time
You’re comin’ through, all eyes on You
Our hearts collide, they’re beating in the same time, beating in the same time

No matter who we are, no matter what we do
Every day we can choose to say …

[Chorus]

My life
My friends
My heart
It’s all Yours, God
Take it away
My dreams
My fears
My family
My career
Take it away
Take it away
It’s all Yours, God
Take it away
Take it away
It’s You I wanna live for

So that’s how I feel.  It’s easy to desire that people look at me and admire or be proud of me.  But my life should just be the stage where God is allowed to be the star, to steal my show.  People should be excited when they see me because it is God moving in and around and through me that is what is really visible.

I’ll admit, I’m kind of hoping that God will choose tomorrow to not just steal my show, but to really wow the crowd.  To do something so amazing that there will be no doubt that it was Him working, and no one else.  But I guess that it is possible that the “wow” He wants to give will be in my heart and in being able to continue moving forward full of grace and love with the situation as it is.  Either way, I’ll take it.

Today and everyday I can choose to say,

“If You wanna steal my show, I’ll sit back and watch You go
If You got somethin’ to say, go on and take it away
Need You to steal my show, can’t wait to watch You go
So take it away

My life
My friends
My heart
It’s all Yours, God
Take it away
My dreams
My fears
My family
My career
Take it away
Take it away
It’s all Yours, God
Take it away
Take it away
It’s You I wanna live for”

To God be the glory.  May my life reflect Him and point others to Him.  It is His show!

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Instant Mama refers to the speed at which I became a mama – from our first serious consideration of becoming foster parents to having six children in our home, the process took less than three months!  Two years later we said goodbye to them, and focused on adoption.  From our first inquiry to welcoming our five children into our home, that process also took less than three months!  If you’d like more background, be sure to read How it all Began.  For a recap of our fostering journey, see Instant Highlights.  You can also sign up on the home page to receive new posts via email, or if you would like to contact me privately you may do so at my gmail.com account, user name instantmama.

Even If

I saw my baby today.  She is doing well.  Better than the last time I saw her.

But today I just wanted to share with you another song that has caught my attention.  ”Even If” by Kutless.  Have you heard it?  Read the words:

Kutless

Even If

 

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true
Of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That can never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

(Chorus)
Even if the healing doesn’t come 
And life falls apart 
And dreams are still undone 
You are God You are good 
Forever faithful One 
Even if the healing 
Even if the healing doesn’t come 

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
And even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
We rest in who You are

Chorus

You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise

Chorus

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Even if the healing doesn’t come

Wow, those words really hit me the other day.  ”Healing” may not come to me in this situation.  Sometimes it feels like this part of my life has fallen apart, and dreams are certainly left undone.  But none of that changes who God is.  He is Good.  He is Faithful.  I will trust Him.

Even if the healing doesn’t come 
And life falls apart 
And dreams are still undone 
You are God You are good 
Forever faithful One 
Even if the healing 
Even if the healing doesn’t come 

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Instant Mama refers to the speed at which I became a mama – from our first serious consideration of becoming foster parents to having six children in our home, the process took less than three months!  Two years later we said goodbye to them, and focused on adoption.  From our first inquiry to welcoming our five children into our home, that process also took less than three months!  If you’d like more background, be sure to read How it all Began.  For a recap of our fostering journey, see Instant Highlights.  You can also sign up on the home page to receive new posts via email, or if you would like to contact me privately you may do so at my gmail.com account, user name instantmama.

“All Things Are Possible…”

Thank you for your continued prayer with me this week.

Mark 14:36 says, “And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”

Last week my devotional reading matched up with the theme of the crucifixion and resurrection, and so I found myself reading in Mark.  I love the gospels, and probably Mark is my second favorite (Luke tops the list, if you were curious).  Jesus had just basically finished His work with everyone, and now had to work on Himself.  He had prepared them as best He could – but was He prepared Himself?  Of course He turned to God in prayer as was His custom.  Just as any child with a loving Father, He wanted His Daddy to tell Him it would be OK, that He was doing the right thing, that this really was how it had to go down.  And as He faced what was coming, He felt Himself pulling back.  Was this really the only way?  The thought of separating Himself from His Daddy was so foreign, ugly, and painful.  And the abuse?  What human willingly subjects Himself to such horrific torture?

So we find Him in the garden, stressed at a level that you and I read of here but have never experienced.  He turns to the only one who understands what He is going through.  He turns to His loving and lovable Daddy.  But not just a loving Daddy – an all-powerful one!  One who can literally do anything!  And so He asks because He knows it is true and it is truly the desire of His heart.  ”All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me.”  God, You can do anything.  ANYTHING!!!  So make things happen differently, please.  Change things.  Find another way.  Please!  I don’t want to go through with this separation, this torture, this death.

“…yet not what I will, but what You will.”

How much strength did it take for Him to finish that sentence?  Was that the hardest prayer He ever prayed?

As I read this verse, I did a double take.  This prayer that I was reading is nearly identical to the prayer I have been praying for months now.  ”God, You can do anything.  ANYTHING!!! So can you please work things out a little differently for my baby?  Please?  Change things.  Find another way.  I don’t want to continue on with this separation, this torture, and I don’t want her to have to continue on with it either.  I know you can do anything, so please do something here.

“Yet not what I will, but what You will.”

Yes, that last sentence is a hard one to pray.  It is hard because I know that what I want and what I think is best may not actually be in God’s will.  I may have to endure this separation a little longer.  A lot longer.  I may have to endure some pain, knowing that my baby is less than happy.

But I try to continue to look at the bigger picture.  If God had listened to His sweet Son’s prayer and granted that request, then mankind would have been left in a hopeless state.  God listened, He heard that request, but He asked His Son to endure despite His wishes.

Because He knew that in the end, the hard way was the best way.

I cling to this reality.  The reality that God is all-powerful.  That with Him all things are possible.  That He can and has and perhaps still will step in and intervene and change things to match His will in a way that I understand and relate to.  I also cling to the reality that sometimes God allows the pain because He will use it later to bring glory to His name and perhaps even to bring salvation to one or more of His children.

So I will continue to follow the example of the only perfect Life in history.  I will continue to pray as He prayed during the hardest time of His life.  And I will continue to trust that God is in control.

“Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”

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Instant Mama refers to the speed at which I became a mama – from our first serious consideration of becoming foster parents to having six children in our home, the process took less than three months!  Two years later we said goodbye to them, and focused on adoption.  From our first inquiry to welcoming our five children into our home, that process also took less than three months!  If you’d like more background, be sure to read How it all Began.  For a recap of our fostering journey, see Instant Highlights.  You can also sign up on the home page to receive new posts via email, or if you would like to contact me privately you may do so at my gmail.com account, user name instantmama.